The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
