Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
