We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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