I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
