is your mom at the bar?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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