everyone is single if you try hard enough
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
dude. I can hear the air.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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