We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
