The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
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