it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
