I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My vagina just recognized that song.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
