I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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