ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
