Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
