After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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