omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
