Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
two words...techno handjob
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize