gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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