Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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