Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
