That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
