so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize