Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you win again, gameday.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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