I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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