finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
