FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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