brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
