38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
