it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
