i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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