apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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