I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
