the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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