im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
