Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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