YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
