Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
