Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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