Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
