So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
