i jhust puked up my retainher.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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