Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
