Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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