i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
