fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
