I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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