ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
