all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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