1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he thought i was a dude.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
