I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have aggressive nipples.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
