ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
