Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
