I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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