Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
