I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Randomize