Pants 0. Shit 1.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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