Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
