I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
