thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
