Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
