i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ketchup is God's man juice
no you cant smoke seaweed
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
