I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
