I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I deserve this hangover.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
