I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
