I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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