Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
