he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
