He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
