it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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