Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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