obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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