My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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