Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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