There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
