I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
