is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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