I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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