Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
