he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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