Say something about gay babies.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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