I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
