When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
