It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My butt remains clenched, sir.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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