Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize