hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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