i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Too much gin, very little bucket
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
