this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
