girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize