Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
