her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
birth control should be required to get into college
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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