Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
my poor anus
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
