you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
