i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
