she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
