Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just cropdusted the office
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
