I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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