I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
