watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
