I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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