I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
