im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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