dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
