I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
MIDGETS
????
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
