your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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