I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
