capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
