just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
