There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
