watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
