i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
