ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
