That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
