You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
