OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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