College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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